Chapter Four, The Lurker in the Shadows

What follows is a sentence-by-sentence commentary for Chapter Four. Open it up in another tab. Now.


Heh. It never fails to start a chapter with a major viewpoint shift. It's somehow easier than to keep writing from one perspective. More importantly, it helped me expand what would otherwise have been a painfully short chapter.

Because pokémon battles are supposed to be fair.

Poor Nyoromo. Cut down so soon after hatching.

See? This sort of thing is the thing that just materializes. Story ideas are not made, they give themselves to authors. It is here where we work, cutting them until they shine. But then? These little touches appear from nowhere. There's an odd beauty to the art.

It tickles.

Boom! Implication that she is one of the Called from the same Calling as Red and Green.

I'm willing to bet Red has a little bit of shock to deal with, eh wot?

This sets up the tradition of having the girl be the only character whose thoughts we actually read. Yet Red is easily the protagonist, and the person the third-person perspective can see through. What an odd way to tell a story. The author should be censured for his crimes.

Green is not the sort of person who ties rattata to the ground and peels back their flesh to watch a still-beating heart pump the blood from his victims body.

Unless he has a reason to.

That would be Green.

Because "Smell you later!" is not at all something someone who enjoys causing pain would say.

Now who in the world does that sound like? And why is my narcissism telling me to stop wondering?

Wow. After seconds, this girl has put together an entire psychological profile. How astute.

Remember kids. Pokémon can bite. Even if they don't know the attack.

Yes, there are bluk berries in Kanto, even if this is based on Generation I. Which it is. Deal with it.

I had to do a fair bit of research to learn the word drupelet. Now that I know it, I will never forget. It's one of those words that somehow just sounds exactly like what it's supposed to be.

Ooh, maybe this is a clue to what her pokémon is. It's... not a magikarp. Right? Probably.

See? I can include hints of humor in a serious scene. Move over Brian Jacques, there's a new author in town.

Aw, poor Red.

Stupid fish.

See? Here I alluded to the attack Splash. I found it funny, at least.

Red seems seriously upset.

I'm writing this on an obscenely warm day. That water sounds good to me.

Now he wants it.

But my readers already did. Didn't you, Elphaba?

Not as easy as you thought it would be, is it, my dear audience?

You never know what you have until a flaming lizard scratches your clumsy little tadpole and sends it to a watery grave.

Because, you know, that's something you can really contribute too. Let's give the Seven a helping hand, shall we?

Right. Nyoromo is going to keep Red alive in the forest.

Did I just cleverly use adjectives to gain Nyoromo even more sympathy from my readers? How sly.

What are those things filled with, anyway? Lighter than air, evidently.

I'm quite fond of the word nor. However, like semicolons, I refuse to abuse it through overuse.

One, two, th-five?

Is this a bit much to expect from a little poliwag? Maybe. But he's in his element. More importantly, I built this world, so I make the rules. Mwahahaha.

Dramatic tension. What will happen next?

What else could have happened. Also, here I use the British leapt. Take that, Americans!

Apparently poliwag are half-dolphin. Who knew?

It's a loyal little thing, isn't it?

What? I just gained even more reader sympathy with that sentence. I'd best be careful not to let anything happen to Nyoromo then. That would just be too dramatic.

Like nor, I am fond of the word bemused.

Remember what? What does she need to remember? That Red has a tendency to get splashed by magikarp? That Nyoromo can't beat a powerful charmander despite its type advantage? Her pokémon is fond of bluk berry drupelets?

Yes, she swung. As will be implied much more later on, she is adept in the art of tree acrobatics. Also? Nest building.

Aw, how cute. They love each other and- what? Did I just hear more reader sympathy?