The First of Fools

This was certainly a deviation from my usual sonnet style.

Aside: The sonnets are accurately numbered. Sonnet I was the first sonnet I ever wrote.

The first four sonnets are all written in senses. That is, they tell what is. Sonnet VI tells what is happening. I've finished Fools, and I warn you there is but one more. I originally thought to write only the first. Then I decided to write another. As I set to the task, I considered composing an epic of sonnets. Then I realized how stupid that would be. Sonnets are hard. I'll stick to writing my epic in ballad meter.

Aside: There is a short epic I'm working on. I say short because Homer defined what an epic can be, and I've nowhere near an Iliad of writing. I'm not sure I- who do I fool? Of course I want it. Sadly, I've only forty-five stanzas of ballad meter. It isn't even in pentameter or something fancy. Meh, I try.

Sonnet VIII will be a pleasant return to the old style, though, and IX should remain so, if it ever decides to allow me to place all eight syllables in every line (Oh, certainly. Why not drop half an iamb? All the poets are doing it!). I confess I am bitter.

Is it clear that the Fools the title refers to are the self-styled Wise and Rich? That's kind of what I was going for, but I got distracted with trying to rhyme form. I changed the word in the end. Obviously.

Was I the only one who noticed the tendrils of Lovecraft's influence creeping into the theme? Yes? Never mind then.

The Ruse is Ended

I'm very disappointed in you both. Yes, you, Elphaba and Qupar. I will yell at you both. Separately. First, though, I must reveal something that should have been obvious.

It was all a prank. April Fool's day was celebrated with a false chapter eighteen of the Apocalypse and a temporary change of background to a revolting black.


Qupar, you managed to maintain a revolting level of disinterest. You commented only to ask what had occured, and never bothered to follow up on it. You only mentioned the template change once, and that was to say to me, in person nonetheless, that you liked it. No. No you didn't. It's ugly. The real template of rps not only screams rps, but is much more friendly. On a disappointment scale of one to Caligula, I give you an eleven.

Elphaba? You're worse. You get a Caligula to the power of Qupar. Not only did you fail to mourn Nyoromo who you claimed to love, but you accepted the deaths of the three main characters (at this moment). Admittedly, you trusted me to write something beautiful afterwords, but Yggdrasil, couldn't you form an opinion other than slavish loyalty to my work? It's not a bad thing to like a character enough to be angry with an author. It's a good thing. It means you form an opinion of your own.

The true chapter eighteen is up, though I warn you I write it only for Met. He didn't fail me.

Chapter Three, Enter the Dragon

Yes, charmander are dragons. Wingless, short dragons, but dragons all the same.

What follows is a sentence-by sentence commentary on the third chapter of the Apocalypse.

The first sentence was carefully calculated to fulfill a number of tasks. It's short, which imitates the simplistic thought of a mind reeling from shock and disappointment. It also-

Do you have the chapter open? It should be. Go to it now. This will make much more sense with context.

It also serves to give me a platform on which to build the rest of the chapter. Without a platform, the story would rest on the ground, and it's very particular about what it will and will not touch. Dirt is of the latter category, platforms of the former. Perhaps the most important function of the sentence is to review the previous chapter. Quickly. Without the reader realizing it.

It does fit, doesn't it? The translators really did a spectacular job. Mostly.

I have one: superfluseless. Or monowag. Or poliwoe.

Adverb placement is entirely up to the author, and I choose, on occasion, to use them after verbs. It sounds better.

Red deserves applause. It's extraordinarily difficult to prod something so small. Squishing is often the result, and if that happened I'd be out of a job.

Yes, massive eyes are cute, but think about it from Red's perspective. Not only is his pokémon small, but what area it does have is wasted by eyes. What good are those?

I refuse to check, but I think the trend of monosyllabic Nyoromo responses starts here has continued without a full "Poliwag" since. Also, ew. The placement of that sentence is ugly. I should have started a new paragraph.

Squirming sounds like it should be onomatopoeia. It isn't.

Again, Red performs an amazing feat. He should get an award for Extraordinary Dexterity of the Foot or perhaps for Extreme Perseverance in the Face of Squishing Temptation.

Poliwag do badly on land, regardless of what the anime may try to make you believe.

This also serves to nearly blind the creature. It's eyes would face mostly downwards.

The flag would, of course, be for an insect nation, or for other creatures equally as small. Not a Bug nation though, as those things grow far too quickly.

Get it? It slithers towards the water, and Nyoromo means "Slither-child" in Japanese! Am I the only one who thinks it's funny?

If the Apocalypse had a soundtrack, this is where the rival music would play. But you heard it in your head anyway, no?

It took me a while to figure out if Green's eyes had a color in the canon.

No, this is not a magical life-saving pendant given to him by his grandfather that will save him from a [spoilers redacted]

Haughtiness adds height. I am twelve feet tall.

Slowpoke tails are not exclusive to Johto. They are found wherever slowpoke roam.

WHOAARETHEYRIVALSWHATISGOINGONTHEYSHOULDBEFRIENDS!

Yes, Green. Not Blue. Green is an accurate translation.

I enjoy distorting handsome features. It robs the world of beauty.

What, no salutation?

An arbok? Don't be silly. Everyone knows arbok can only be found on Route 23 and cerulean cave.

And how does that make you feel?

Oh.

That, dear readers, is how small Nyoromo is. He took twelve sentences to be noticed.

"Um... no." lied Red. "I'm just holding it for a friend."

Diglett is, canonically, the smallest pokémon in the Kanto region.

Neither did Red.

I realize that it goes against convention for a pokémon to be named so long after it has been 'caught,' but I wanted Red to be so self-pitying that it wouldn't occur to him until Green asked him.

Again, I make reference to the Japanese name. Red is, apparently, bilingual.

Stalling looks ugly, but it had to be done.

He'll probably do this a lot.

Hitokage means salamander in Japanese. A literal translation would be fire lizard.

Oh, that's the other person. Pokémon, I mean.

Is there anyone who didn't know what the pokémon was at this point? There's really only one bipedal lizard.

I thought it would be hilarious to call a fire-type burnt orange. I wasn't mistaken.

Charmander start by knowing scratch. Thus they have claws. Thus, my charmander have really sharp claws.

The ground dulls the claws of those that walk upon it. However, feet tend to be larger, so their claws are as well. His claws are red because Green wouldn't bother letting a stray pidgey live if he could kill it instead.

Here is where the unintelligence of pokémon begins to be made known.

Yes, I used multiple references to find how long its tail would be. I'm thorough.

Deep red. Hm. It's been so long, I can't recall if I intentionally made the flame cold.

Interest? More like envy. Which is a deadly sin.

No. No he doesn't. He wants him. Since he can't have him, he begrudges Green for it.

Unless I'm mistaken, he uses this name for Oak in the games.

Oak is allowed to play favorites. No one would dare argue with him. Except for- SPOILER REDACTED.

This overconfidence would be your downfall if it wasn't deserved, Green!

Do attacks have names in the world of the Apocalypse? I don't know. However, scratch could be an order regardless of the answer to that question.

This was included for the extraordinarily dense. The bipedal lizard with vicious claws and a flaming tail is a charmander. How unexpected.

Isn't it convenient how he didn't quite make it to the water?

Poor Nyo. Attacked without warning when helpless.

Oh, Hydrogen Bonds. You've foiled us again!

Stunned? Fainted? Dead? Bleeding.

The narrowing of the universe that accompanies horrible shock. I enjoyed writing this.

Green had to say that sometime.

Apparently insects exist here too. Not just bugs.

Spearow are the closest thing to ravens Kanto has.

This took far longer and was far less entertaining to write than I had hoped. I quite look forward to reading it in a few weeks.

End of the First

So ends the Red/Green arc of The Golden Apocalypse. You might think it abrupt. If you do, you're horrible and irrevocably wrong. It is the perfect time to end it, because now the stage has been set for the Yellow arc. The Yellow arc will begin the Sunday after next, so I can assemble my thoughts. It was a pleasure sharing the Apocalypse with you, and I think you'll agree this was really a flawlessly executed finale.

Have a happy Easter, everyone.

The Day Dawned Golden

After twenty-seven days without a whisper of story, the Apocalypse rises again to ensnare us all in its warm, grasping tentacles. As it draws you once more into its gaping maw, take a moment to reflect on the meaninglessness of your life without my writing. Then rejoice as you are consumed. Rejoice, for never again shall you know a day without the Apocalypse. Until I get writer's block again that is. Which will probably not happen until midsummer. Maybe sooner. Possibly later. Regardless, don't expect updates at the frequency I once attempted. The rush of daily posting did nothing but advance the story. That is to say, things happened, but nothing really was told.

Apparently, a lot of pieces fell into place during my briefish hiatus. Regrettably, more fell out of place than into. My entire ending needs to be reworked, though that won't be a problem for months. I had believed I had the Yellow story arc into place, but when I look back on it, the manga's story seems to have overwritten it. While I liked the manga's version, I doubt anyone would care to read a novelization thereof.

The lack of response by this point is really very discouraging.

A Mathematical Error

Yes, the post on RPS is not a mistake. GLaDOS lives to Lament anew. When Portal 2 was announced, I immediately began to consider the next Lament. I began to build a story, and a glimpse is provided now. I regret to tell you that the next Lament has nearly a year before birth, but when it arrives, all will be as it should be. I see the Lament as the cornerstone of my work on my blog. The Apocalypse is grand, but it isn't the Lament.


Speaking of which, I really should see about forging that Apocalypse. Maybe it's ready to be born.

Missing: Story Shards

Actually, if I pull this off you'll be missing more than that. Due to my actions (which will be explained momentarily), you're going to miss the next five Shards and the next five Tales. You might miss some Thoughts too. I dunno, I think I have someone for that.

ANYWAY... you know about Moképon, right? No? Then you are a horrible, horrible person. Read it. Now. Seriously, I linked it. Just click the title above and read it. All. In fact, I declare it the official Reoganworks comic. Yeah. Read it or you're not part of Reoganworks. You just pretend to be.




Have you read it? Great! Now read the comments and the responses to them.


Yes, I'm serious.



Well, by the time you read this, it's probably days after you started reading the post (Hours if you have nothing better to do than obey me. If that's the case, I really would love to meet you. And then have you bake me cakes and make outdated references to them being lies.). Nonetheless, I will now answer that question you've been wanting to ask.

(don't say forty-two, don't say forty-two, don't say forty-two)

The answer is March Madness. Yes, thanks to H0lyhandgrenade, I learned about the comic-a-day thing. I thought if they could do it, I could too. Except that I can't draw too well (Though not too badly either. Here, have a pokémon thing)


















I realized I can still participate in story form. I intend to post an Apocalypse every day this month. Everything else by me we'll be postponed until April. Though I may need a break afterward. We'll see.

I would apologize, but it seems to me that the Apocalypse is the most beloved of my works, so instead I will let you applaud.

Question! (AUTHOR'S NOTE: THAT IS TO BE PRONOUNCED 'QVESTION.')
How do you like the Shards thus far, and how do you feel about the new Tale, both for its own merit and compared to the first.

I should draw that thing again. I know what not to do now...